There’s always been a secret life of Jim.

streetnoname

There’s always been a secret life of Jim.

Whether it was the kid suffering in silence as he watched his mother self-destruct by alcohol; or the codependent adult who abandoned himself to make others happy; or the Christian leader who quietly questioned Christian orthodoxy; or the appropriate and sensible guy, secretly waiting to extend his tribal tat from his shoulder all the way down his torso; or the life coach who would probably scare his clients if he revealed the tornado of volatile feelings that happen inside him each day… there has always been a side to me I’ve hid from people.

Maybe this secret life of Jim meant something was wrong with me; maybe it meant I was an orphan in the world; maybe it meant I would never belong; maybe it meant no one would ever love me – this is what I feared.

For many years as a Christian I operated on the premise of needing to be more like Jesus. This seemed to be the ticket for gaining the acceptance of God, whoever exactly that was. I certainly knew I’d never attain acceptance from anyone, especially God, by being me. I was as shocked as anyone to discover during my year of being Jesus that Jesus never wanted me to be him but wanted me to be me. Me???”

Latest Comments

  1. Rachael says:

    Maybe having a secret life of Jim means you are just the same as everybody else….

  2. claire says:

    “Maybe this secret life of Jim meant something was wrong with me; maybe it meant I was an orphan in the world; maybe it meant I would never belong; maybe it meant no one would ever love me – this is what I feared. ”

    That secret life is where I hide me for fear of the things you too feared. But after time I learned to be me, no longer keeping it secret and the fear I once had I faced. That didn’t mean that I would no longer feel an orphan, or that I never belong, or that no one would ever love me. I still struggle with those thoughts, but…. to myself I am true and that makes an incredible difference. Does it no longer hurt? No, it hurts still, but being true to myself seems to make it hurt less.

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