I opened my front door this morning, and was a little rattled to see her standing right there waiting for me. She said nothing and only stared – not a casual glance but a gaze that reached down into my soul. There she was, Life. I dropped my hands to my side and gave myself over to her eyes. Deep emotion washed through me like rain. Something in me wanted to send her away for all the heartache and suffering she had brought my way. There were times when it felt as though she had abandoned me all together. Times when I went looking and could not find her.
But then I saw that her eyes had become gentle and loving, telling me that she had never meant any harm, only loved me, and had been there by my side all along. I wanted to trust her but I was fearful. Could I? Could I trust her – trust her after so much heartache over all these years?
Suddenly, this big beaming smile slowly filled her face. It was like she knew something that I didn’t – like she was not worried at all about me and knew that everything was exactly as it should be.
I became lost In her eyes and smile. I saw hope there and strangely felt as if everything was truly and mysteriously okay and would be okay.There was no logic or rationale for it; it was something I felt to be true.
She lifted her hand with her palm facing towards me. I studied her palm for a moment. I understood. She was inviting me into a choice. You see life doesn’t really “just happen,” you have to consciously choose it – sign up for it, show up, be there. It wasn’t an easy choice. It would be risky, and plenty of unknowns. But in that moment, looking her eyes and smile, getting her heart and spirit… I raised my hand too. Slowly I placed my palm against hers.
I closed my eyes and a smile was born across my face. Palm to palm with her, I somehow felt like something had become a little more whole inside of me. We just stood there a while palm to palm, and I felt that wholeness in me…it was peace and joy all mixed together. When i opened my eyes back up she was gone. Life was no longer on the outside looking at me, she was running pure and free inside my soul.